


Difficulties

by DancingKirby



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Coming of Age, Disastrous First Time, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Masturbation, Postpartum Depression, Teenage Pregnancy, Why Abstinence-Only Education REALLY sucks, dubcon, neurodivergent character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:24:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingKirby/pseuds/DancingKirby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since she was young, Eska has had her difficulties.  Canon events and beyond told from Eska's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is...the fic I've been promising myself I'd write pretty much since I wrote the last one! This was originally going to be a long oneshot, but I realized that that wasn't going to work. Thus, it's a chapter fic!

For as long as Eska could remember, Mother had told her stories about Yue; about how _kind_ and _obedient_ and _selfless_ she was. According to Mother, Yue had been devoted to her betrothed, despite it being an arranged match. Her one ambition in life had been to be a good wife and raise many children, but she had gladly sacrificed her life to save her tribe. Mother said this was what every young lady should strive to be. It wasn’t long before Eska utterly despised any mention of Yue. She had created an impossible standard to live up to. And what was worse…Eska was actually related to her! Yue had been Eska’s great-grandfather’s niece. So that made the pressure to be like her even greater.

Sometimes, Eska would see the moon through her bedroom window and would glare at it and try to telepathically transmit all of that hatred. Unsurprisingly, she never got any answer.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Their parents had decided to raise their children with relatively little assistance from servants, and Eska grew to dread any time she had to be around her mother. It seemed like everything Eska did, Mother found fault with it in some way. Especially since she had what Mother called “difficulties.” When she was young, Eska hadn’t spoken until she was three, and had also had other developmental issues, and Mother made it clear she was a disappointment.

“Stop that,” Mother would snap as Eska covered her ears when there was a loud noise.

“Why are you so clumsy?!” Mother would say in exasperation as Eska messed up her sewing yet again. (When she got older, she learned that Desna not only liked sewing, but his stitches were also much neater, so he was more than willing to secretly do Eska’s work for her.)

And on and on. “Look at me when I talk to you!” “Stop mumbling!” “Don’t pick at your food!” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” “ _Why can’t you just behave for once?!_ ”

Mother was unable to actually hit Eska due to her infirmity, but she more than made up for it with her words, her mouth twisting in anger as she sat in her wheelchair. And Eska couldn’t even get away with misbehaving in front of the servants, since they all reported back to her parents.

Which was why Eska much preferred to spend time with her father. True, he was cold and distant, but he didn’t concern himself much with how she behaved as long as she kept her mouth shut. In fact, he hardly even spoke to her at all. And Eska was fine with that. She’d never been good at talking.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life in the Northern Water Tribe could be-and often was- monotonous. Both children had had their toys and games taken away at a young age, since Father saw these things as frivolous. When they weren’t studying, or reading approved books, they were expected to sit quietly and not cause trouble. Bending practice was the one time Eska could truly feel at ease; the one thing she could understand in this confusing and stifling world. With bending, she learned how to be so in sync with her brother that they rarely needed to use words to communicate. Plus, it was one of the few times her back didn’t hurt to some degree…both twins had inherited less severe versions of their mother’s spinal deformity.

Mother, of course, hadn’t wanted Eska to practice bending, but Father had insisted that the twins learn both combat and healing. Eska didn’t question his reasons.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she grew up, Eska retreated into herself even more. Her mother was pleased at first, because she thought she was finally making headway. It was soon apparent, however, that Eska was still “difficult”…she was just being difficult more quietly now.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eska had been a late bloomer (as had her brother), so she didn’t start bleeding until she was nearly fifteen.

“Oh, thank the spirits!” her mother said as she was wheeled into Eska’s room…the attendant discreetly left to wait in the hall. “I was starting to think there was something wrong!”

As if Mother didn’t find enough things wrong with her already! But Eska only said, “I would have preferred you to inform me of this event beforehand, Mother.” She was still recovering from the shock.

Mother let Eska’s backtalking pass this once. Instead, she launched into an explanation of how this meant Eska could bear children now, and an overview of how that was achieved.

Eska’s eyes widened, and she said flatly, “Well, that sounds perfectly horrid.”

Mother went on as if she hadn’t spoken.

“And you should never, _ever_ do this outside of marriage. Do you understand me? You will ruin yourself if you do that. They may do things like that in the South, but here we have morals and self-respect.”

“I have no intention of doing such a thing,” Eska answered, and it was the truth. She left out that she had no plans to do it _after_ marriage, either.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her sixteenth birthday should have been a joyous event. Not that Eska had much use for joy, but at any rate she was legally considered an adult in the Northern Water Tribe. For all intents and purposes, though, the only thing that changed was that she could marry now.

This was especially important because Desna had some sort of deformity that made him unable to have children of his own. Eska had never asked him exactly what it was, of course-that would be too rude even for her-so she had to take her parents’ word for it. And since Father’s only brother had been banished, if the direct family line were to continue, it would have to be through Eska’s son.

Her parents were at least considerate enough to arrange visits with young men in the hopes that they might at least marginally click. The problem was that none of the candidates were in any way attractive to her. And now that she knew what happened during marriage, she found it even less appealing. She knew that she herself was not particularly good-looking by Water Tribe standards…she was bony and hardly even had breasts, while they loved women with curves and body fat to spare. However, men would overlook that if they could get the status of marrying a princess and being the father of the heir to the throne.

So she tried to make herself as unpleasant as she possibly could. She dressed in black, painted dark shadows under her eyes with her makeup, and slouched even farther than was usual for her. Once, with a particularly persistent suitor, she even had to resort to picking her nose.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Mother would screech. “Do you _want_ to marry a man you’ve never met before? Because we can arrange that if you don’t behave!”

“No. I want to marry on my own terms,” Eska answered. Mother would be at a loss for words and go tattle to Father, who didn’t seem to care either way. Only later would Eska know why.

This went on for four months. Then, unexpectedly, Father declared he was taking a trip to the South, and both twins were coming with him. He made trips there regularly, but hadn’t taken them along in several years.

“Right now?” Mother asked. “Do you have to take both of them? Or can you at least wait until Eska’s betrothed?”

“Both twins are coming,” Father repeated, and that was that. Eska and Desna exchanged looks. Anything would be better than this matchmaking game.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The boat ride over was uneventful…and very boring. There was nothing to do unless Father summoned them, which he didn’t. So the twins just sat in their room and either read or stared into space.

In fact, Father didn’t speak to them at all until they were getting ready to disembark.

“I hope you understand how much trust I’m putting in you. This is an important mission, and you two need to be on perfect behavior.”

“Of course,” Eska and Desna said in unison. Father’s idea of perfect behavior was a lot easier for Eska to understand than Mother’s version, anyway. All they had to do was keep their mouths shut unless prompted.

After walking down the ramp…Eska was concentrating hard to stay in sync with her father and brother, and to not trip on her robe…she glanced at the people gathered before them as they walked past. Some of them were clapping and showing appropriate levels of enthusiasm, but many didn’t particularly even look like they wanted to be here. How rude. Father should teach them to show proper respect.

She thought she even heard one man asking who the lovely ladies were. How dare he ogle women in the audience instead of paying attention to _them_?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, the South was every bit as backward as Mother and Father had always said...and as Eska herself recalled from the visits in her childhood. Father left Eska and Desna to their own devices for much of the first day. Having no idea what to do in his absence, they wandered aimlessly around the festival grounds. The lights and noises and smells were overwhelming to Eska. She wished they could leave and go somewhere quiet, but Father had told them to stay there until he called for them. Her heart pounded, her head swam, and she felt dizzy. Several times she felt on the verge of panic, and it was all she could do to appear outwardly calm and composed. Desna seemed to know when an anxiety attack was coming on before even she did, and would squeeze her hand to distract her. She wasn’t sure what she’d do without him!

Finally, one of the guards came back for them, and took them to the Southern Tribe's mediocre palace for dinner. It was somewhat entertaining watching the Avatar arguing with her father, but the food was terrible. Eska had strong sensitivities, and there was only a small range of foods she could eat without gagging. After a few minutes, she gave up on her attempts.

Father’s speech about the spirits was somewhat surprising. He had complained about the South’s lack of spirituality many times, but he hadn’t informed them he was going to actually take action. Then again, he hadn’t informed them about much of anything.

Subsequently, that Varrick man went and made a mockery of Father’s words. Eska should have been more outraged, but she was too busy fighting off a headache.

Despite Father’s words against the festival, he left the twins alone there again that evening. He said that they had the night off to “enjoy” themselves. When he left, Eska and Desna looked bewilderedly at each other. _How?_

“I find Father’s actions to be slightly disconcerting,” Eska said.

“I’m sure he has his reasons,” Desna answered.

Eska was about to reply, only to have her train of thought shattered when someone walked up to them and started shouting practically right into her ear! She was too shocked to comprehend the actual words, and made a noise warning him to back off.

He paused, but didn’t leave. Instead he babbled about the North being his favorite direction. _What did that have to do with anything?_

Desna saved the day once again by calmly explaining, “I think he is trying to establish some kind of bond with you based on your geographic point of origin.”  
Well, Eska supposed she needed the distraction.

“Perhaps it would be interesting to spend time with a person whose ways are so rough and uncultured,” she mused. (And, she realized, he wasn’t bad-looking...she didn’t vocalize that part, though.) She turned to this geographically-inclined stranger and told him, “You amuse me. I will make you mine.”

“You mean like a boyfriend, or like a slave?” he asked.

Eska wasn’t sure what a boyfriend was, so she just said, “Yes. Win me prizes.” She had determined that winning prizes was a crucial activity in this festival, but she wasn’t about to do it herself… _much_ too undignified!

First, she made her new companion buy her some noodles, because she was starving from not eating any dinner, and noodles were one of the few things that were safe for her to eat anywhere. After that, she set him to work. He did an adequate job; at the end of the night, Eska’s haul consisted of two small stuffed animals, assorted cheap knickknacks, and a larger stuffed turtleduck which she had been eyeing even before she met this boy.

“So, um…” he said as they were walking back to the sleeping area, his arms full with the acquisitions, “What’s your name again? Korra said Desna was the guy…so you’re…Eska?”

“That is correct,” Eska confirmed.

“I’m Bolin.”

“Oh,” Eska said. There was an awkward silence. Had he been expecting her to say something else?

“You know, you’re…um…really pretty,” Bolin said.

Eska couldn’t figure out how to answer at first. She _wasn’t_ pretty and she knew it. If he wanted to flatter her, he should try something more believable.

Finally, she snapped, “Of course I am!” and stalked off to her tent, leaving Desna and Bolin to deal with the prizes. As she was leaving, the latter asked, “Wait! What did I do wrong?” She ignored him.

After that fiasco, she probably would have avoided him for the rest of the trip if it wasn’t for what happened overnight.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Instead of sleeping in a building like civilized people, Eska and Desna and Father all had to sleep in tents! Eska didn’t know why Father didn’t complain.

And these tents were _not_ soundproof. This was especially a problem for Eska, whose hearing was exceptionally acute. Desna, on the other hand, could sleep through the worst blizzard.

She’d only just drifted off when she heard a commotion outside. Apparently a spirit had attacked the Avatar; Father took care of it quickly. Then, barely half an hour later, while Eska was trying to relax again, there was _more_ noise.

All right, really, the nerve of people! She was a princess and would not endure such rough treatment. So she stormed out to give them a piece of her mind.

It didn’t take her long to determine that the noise was coming from inside one of the other tents. It belonged to one of the companions of the Avatar… the male who wasn’t Bolin. So she snuck over soundlessly in the snow (a skill she had picked up from years of training), and…what was going on in there?

There were two people in there; she could tell that much. She recognized the Avatar’s voice…why wasn’t she in her own tent? The inside had been lit up enough to see shadows somewhat clearly. It looked like she was…sitting on something? And moving back and forth like she was on one of those tacky rides at the festival.

Right at that moment, the wind died down enough so Eska could finally make out what the Avatar was saying.

‘Yes… _Yes_!”

Realization hit Eska like getting hit in the stomach with a water-whip during practice. Were they doing…what she thought they were doing?

She ran back to her own tent, too flustered to reprimand them for their noise as she’d been planning.

Once she was safely indoors (if one could call it that), she thought things over.

So. Now her respect for the Avatar had gone from low to virtually zero. Mother had been right when she’d said the Southerners were too undisciplined to wait until marriage. And they weren’t even doing it the right way! Mother said that the woman was supposed to lie back and let the man do all the work.

Still…the Avatar had appeared to be enjoying it, and Mother had never said much about that. She’d mentioned that it might be pleasurable, but that this wasn’t the point for the woman.

Well, whatever the case, Eska wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and forget she ever witnessed that.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few hours later, Eska shot up in bed, breathing heavily. Her heart was racing again...not from panic this time. Her whole body tingled due to the dream she’d had.

This was getting ridiculous. She had never had a dream like that in her life! She realized that what she’d observed had rattled her, but to dream about a boy she’d never even spoken to until tonight? Absurd!

Although… _although_ …

Eska gasped as she realized that this might solve all her problems. Once she calmed down, she thought about it more.

If she were to bring this boy home with her, and marry him, there wouldn’t be any more annoying suitors! There was no law she was aware of saying she had to marry someone who was Water Tribe. He would be happy too, because he’d get to live in a palace and have servants to tend to his every need. And he could always visit with those he left behind. Eska recalled that he’d used the word “boyfriend”…that must be the word they used to mean a girl’s betrothed where he came from. So she couldn’t see how he wouldn’t be amenable to the idea. 

She suddenly realized that she’d been absentmindedly touching herself through her underwear. She jerked her hand away, annoyed at her lack of self-control.

With that, she settled back down and tried to finally get some decent sleep before morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this chapter up so quickly because I'd actually written some of it before I decided to break the fic up into chapters. Chapter 3...might take a while due to subject matter. I was unsure about this chapter at first, but I added about 350 words, and I hope it turned out okay!

When Eska woke up, everyone else had already left for breakfast. Good. Now they would all be there to see her grand entrance.

As she took her place at the table, she pointedly ignored the Avatar…which was easy, since she was busy talking with Father. She was also, Eska saw, now without her airbending instructor and his family. Desna was staring at his half-finished plate and didn’t even look up when Eska sat next to him. Odd.

Breakfast was somewhat more palatable than dinner had been. They had eggs, at least, which were extremely difficult to ruin.

As soon as it was polite to get up, Eska went off in search of Bolin. She found him just in time, as he was turning to leave the hall.

“Hello, boyfriend,” she said loudly to his back, using his preferred term. He must have jumped about a mile.

“Oh! Um…I didn’t know you were there!”

“I have been in this room for twenty-seven minutes. That is ample time to notice my presence.”

“Yeah…well, I’m not too observant sometimes.”

“Obviously,” Eska remarked. Then she said, “I have come to reaffirm our commitment. We will spend the day together.”

“Okay! Sure!”

Would Father object? Eska looked at him. He was still involved in his conversation. Desna had already left.

Eska led her boyfriend outside and, after some time walking around, found an isolated cliff out near the tents for them to sit on, where no one would bother them. Yes, it would be pleasant to stay here for the time being. The sky was clear and the temperature was relatively moderate. Plus, there was a good view of the town below.

After a few minutes, when they had both caught their breath after the steep hike up, Bolin said, “Uh…were we going to do something?”

“We _are_ doing something.”

“Oh.”

He was quiet for a while longer, then asked, “So what are your hobbies?”

“Reading. Bending practice. Meditating. Hating the moon.”

“That’s ni…wait, what’s wrong with the moon?”

“What isn’t wrong with it?” Eska didn’t feel that he needed to know the details at the moment.

“I just thought…you know, because you’re a waterbender, right? And…maybe I should shut up now.”

“Yes.”

The rest of the morning went well in Eska’s opinion, once Bolin stopped trying to make small talk. She even let him hold her hand; a very daring move in Northern Water Tribe culture. His hand was much larger than Desna’s…and quite rough in texture when he didn’t have a glove on. It didn’t seem like something that would feel nice at first, but surprisingly it did. She knew he would have kissed her had she let him, but that was a bit _too_ daring even for her.

Unfortunately, they did have to leave to go inside eventually. Eska had forgotten what a pathetic resistance to cold non-Water Tribe people had.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After lunch, Father summoned the twins and told them, “We are going on a trip to the South Pole to begin the Avatar’s spiritual training. Be prepared to leave before dark.”

Eska and Desna nodded their assent. Eska looked over at her brother as Father left. He seemed out-of-sorts. It was subtle…just a slight stiffness in the way he carried himself and an almost imperceptible shadow over his eyes. Probably no-one except her would have been able to pick it up…but something was definitely off. Was he mad because Eska hadn’t spent much time with him today? She’d have to make a greater effort to include him in her activities. This trip was a good place to start, since they could ride together.

As they saddled up their camel-yaks, Eska saw that the Avatar’s lover would be joining them…she carefully averted her eyes so she wouldn’t start thinking about _that_. Then the Avatar’s father showed up, and there was arguing. Again.

But…where was Bolin?

Then she heard frantic yelling. Ah, yes. There he was. And it seemed he had learned a lesson from this morning, and gotten warmer clothing.

That snowmobile he was driving looked a lot more comfortable to Eska than being jounced around on a camel-yak for hours.

“Does this sidecar have the capacity for two passengers?” she asked.

“Sure does! But, uh…who’s gonna drive?”

Well, Eska had promised herself she would spend more quality time with her brother. She was sure Bolin would understand.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poor, stupid Bolin seemed entirely out of his league. He turned to Eska for comfort at even a mention of dark spirits while they were all sitting around the fire in their overnight shelter.

“Don’t worry. I will protect you, my feeble turtleduck,” she assured him. In a way, he did remind Eska of that stuffed animal he’d won for her…large, clumsy, and awkward, but nice enough to cuddle with.

(Where was that stuffed animal, anyway? She hadn’t seen it since last night. She’d have to check with Desna about that.)

Then there was yet another argument. Eska only paid partial attention. She’d heard the story of her uncle’s banishment many times before. This ended with the Avatar storming out, and only coming back inside their shelter much later, so she wouldn’t freeze to death in the night.

This place wasn’t a comfortable sleeping spot, but Eska was so tired from last night that she didn’t care. She drifted off within half an hour, and thankfully had no embarrassing dreams that she could remember.

They woke up before dawn the next morning…she noted that Desna had taken a liking to Bolin’s pet...whatever that was, and vice versa, and that they had fallen asleep together. After they hurriedly ate some travel rations for breakfast, and Eska was forced to walk with her cousin to a spot where they could relieve themselves away from all the men, they set off again.

Of course, things started going wrong as soon as they got into the Everstorm, and of course Bolin got into trouble and had to be rescued by the twins. Eska wondered how he had managed to not die for all these years without her. And then he had to go and repay her by fooling around with the Avatar! Eska had to rescue him from that as well, before he did anything he’d regret. 

Honestly, Korra hadn’t even been gone for that long. And didn’t he realize that Eska was as good as his betrothed? In the Northern Water Tribe, people of the opposite sex who weren’t related didn’t hug unless they were _married_ …and even then, some of the older, more conservative people frowned on it.

Eska would have to keep an even closer eye on Bolin than she had before, to make sure he didn’t stray.

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Now that the festival was over and the portal had been opened, Eska had thought that they’d be going home, she with her soon-to-be husband in tow. But Father had other plans. Certainly, it was good that he was bringing these unruly subjects in line, but this meant that they had to stay longer. Eska’s dislike of the South had blossomed into hatred, and that hatred only increased with each passing day. She had frequent stomachaches from the unfamiliar food, and her back was killing her. (Desna was also having back problems; they helped each other out as best they could, but their doctor was at home in the North and neither of them could go for full healing sessions down here with this conflict.) She constantly felt as if she was on the verge of a meltdown more severe than she’d had since she was little. Somehow, though, she managed to hold it together.

And her relationship with Bolin was hitting snags as well. It seemed like ever since Eska had saved him from cheating on her with the Avatar, he was trying to avoid her. And honestly, she didn’t know what to do with him while they were still stuck here. When she ran out of activities for them to do, she started putting him to work to keep him occupied. He was strong, and he could earthbend, so Eska thought physical labor should be easy for him.

She was dismayed when she discovered that Bolin hadn’t even been aware that he was coming back home with her. Had she not made that clear? She had assumed that it was only logical, since she’d already invested this much time in him.

And then he kept going, “Um…can we talk about something?” at the worst possible times…usually when Eska had a headache, backache, or both, and talking was the thing she wanted to do least, especially when it was something she most likely wouldn’t want to hear. So she threatened to feed him to the dolphin-piranhas to keep him quiet. (Surely he didn’t think she was being serious! It would be counterproductive to kill him; she’d have to find a completely new husband then.)

The intrusive thoughts she kept having didn’t help things either. At night, when she was trying to sleep, her brain imagined… _things_ …without her consent. She’d thought that the mental images of Bolin naked were bad enough, but the things just got more explicit from there on out. And the worst part was…she didn’t find these images to be nearly as abhorrent as she thought she ought to.

This called for drastic measures. She’d been intending to wait a respectable length of time back home before she and Bolin got married, but she was realizing that this might not be an option any longer. Now she needed to get the marriage over with before Bolin was turned against her completely. He might be taken aback by the suddenness of it all, but Eska was sure he would get used to it in time. She and Desna started making preparations. Father’s distracted state gave them unusual freedom. Eska thought they could have discussed their plans in the middle of town, shouting into megaphones, and Father _still_ wouldn’t have noticed.

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After more than a week in the South, Eska finally got tired of trying to eat the food in the dining hall. Father had insisted that they do this, but he wasn’t even there half the time anymore. Thus, she and Desna sought out Bolin, and informed him that he would find a suitable restaurant for them to eat dinner.

“Uhhh…great! Yeah!” he said a bit too cheerfully. “You know, there’s actually this place down the street where Korra and Mako are eating tonight!”

“Excellent. We shall join them.”

Bolin looked as if he’d said too much. Naturally, Eska had no desire for the Avatar’s company, but she wanted to make the couple uncomfortable…just as they had done to her.

During the meal, Eska and Desna excused themselves. Eska heard Bolin immediately start an animated conversation, presumably about her. No matter. Everything would be taken care of in a few days.

“How is the project proceeding?” she asked Desna once they were out of earshot. Since they had neither the time nor the resources to make entire new wedding outfits by hand, Desna was making alterations to some formal robes they’d brought.

“Well, I don’t have his measurements, so one can only hope that it will fit him sufficiently well, but other than that events are proceeding as we anticipated. What about you?”  
Eska frowned.

“The shopkeepers objected to my procural of a betrothal necklace because I’m female. I rebuked them sharply, and they changed their minds. But their selection was too tame for my taste. I’m in the process of adjusting my purchase to make it more to my liking. Oh, and I have successfully located an officiant.”

“When are you planning to announce your proposal?”

“I was hoping for tomorrow. Would that give you sufficient time?”

“I presume so,” he answered. Then he looked down.

“What is it? Did I make an offensive utterance?” Eska asked him.

“Your remarks were acceptable.”

“Are you fearful that I will neglect you after my marriage?”

“No, it’s…it’s of no concern. It will pass with time.”

Eska could tell he didn’t want her to pry anymore, so she turned to the buffet and loaded up her plate. That way, their claim of retrieving more sustenance would, in fact, be true.

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But the next day, Eska’s plans had once again gone awry. She was woken up by guards in the middle of the night, who said they had to move her and Desna to a more secure location, and did this despite her sleepy protests. When she got to the palace, she learned that rebels had attempted to assassinate Father overnight, and now there was going to be a trial. (This made Eska wonder why, exactly, she had been moved to the palace when the assassination attempt had taken place there. Nobody had a satisfactory answer.)

Eska was grateful that Father was alive, but this meant they would be stuck here for even _longer_! At least she didn’t have to sleep in a tent anymore.

Then, first thing in the morning, Father made them search for Varrick. They happened on Bolin, along with the Avatar’s other acquaintances, in the entry hall of Varrick’s house.

“I’m not on the hunt for you…currently,” Eska informed him. This was true, because they would have to accomplish this task before finalizing wedding plans. And with this delay, Desna wouldn’t be finished until tonight at the earliest. (Eska had completed the necklace before she’d gone to sleep last night, and was carrying it in her pocket just in case.)

The initial search revealed nothing. Although Bolin had come up with a new term of endearment: “koala-otter.” Eska liked it, and was pleased with his act of submission.

Hours later, though, both twins were on edge. They’d looked everywhere they could think of, and there was no trace of Varrick. Father was clearly disappointed in them, but the trial was starting, so he had no time to scold them. He made them keep watch in the hallway, perhaps as punishment.

After a while, Desna said, “He’s going to confront you. Those friends of his are poisoning his mind against you.”

“Yes.”

“This may be your last chance.”

“Do what you can. I’ll come get you for final fittings. If the outfits aren’t quite finished, so be it.”

Sure enough, almost as soon as Desna had left, Eska saw Bolin out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey there, Eska. I was wondering if we could talk?”

“I grant you permission to speak freely,” Eska said. She was glad her robe had such long sleeves, so Bolin couldn’t see her shaking hands.

 _It was now or never_.

She listened, at least outwardly placid, as Bolin aired his grievances.

“You know, when we first met, there was this crazy spark, but I’m starting to feel like that spark…is fading,” he explained.

Eska forced herself to not react yet, and her hand slid into her pocket and clutched onto the necklace for dear life.

“I agree. It as if a great chasm has formed between us and nothing can bridge it.” The pendant dug into her fingers.

Bolin started babbling in happiness, only to be cut off as Eska revealed the necklace.

“Nothing, that is, except marriage!” she stated. (A bit melodramatic, maybe, but the line was delivered perfectly…in her humble opinion.)

She put the necklace on him before he had a chance to run...it was a good thing she had purchased the larger version, since he had a big neck and it fit tightly as it was. As she dragged the terrified Bolin away, she told him, “We will wed at sunset. You may express your joy through tears.”

Eska wished they could get married right here and now, but Desna would need the extra time for fitting. In the meantime, she had to make absolutely sure that Bolin wouldn’t-even couldn’t- escape. And she thought she knew how.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Extremely unsexy sex scene, dubcon, and minor blood. Fun times.

Nobody would have to know, Eska told herself…not even Desna. She and Bolin would be married in only a few hours, and people would be none the wiser. And now he’d HAVE to marry her. He’d be too nice not to.

“Can’t breathe…can’t breathe…hey, where are you taking me?” Bolin whimpered.

Eska didn’t answer his question, but said, “If you will follow me obediently, I will stop dragging you.”

“Okay.”

She released her hold on his necklace, prepared to water-whip his legs if he tried to make a run for it, but he kept his word.

It was a long walk from the public area of the palace to the private chambers. Thankfully, no-one crossed their path, since they were all still at the trial. Finally, they reached Eska’s room. The door was very thick to ward off drafts, which also meant it was as good as soundproof.

As soon as the door was safely shut, Eska turned to Bolin.

“Remove your clothing,” she ordered as she shrugged off her own outer robe.

“Wha…oh. _Oh_.”

He made a strangled gasp as Eska finished disrobing.

“Are you disappointed by my lack of mammary tissue?” Eska asked him.

Bolin swallowed and shook his head. Then he seemed to remember that he had to get undressed too, and did this with fumbling fingers.

Eska flicked her eyes downward. Well… _that_ certainly wasn’t how she’d imagined it to look. Did they _all_ look that way?

“Um, I’m pretty much terrified for my life right now,” Bolin said in a rush, “But I’m also…kind of turned on at the same time? Is that normal?”

Eska did not know the answer to his question. So she simply said, “Bed.” while pointing to said piece of furniture. Bolin sat on the corner of it, and continued to talk.

“Just so you know, I’ve, uh, never done this before. _Mako would’ve killed me_.”

He said the last part in a whisper, as if Mako was there to potentially overhear him. Eska raised an eyebrow. Better not to let him know that she was similarly inexperienced.  
She walked forward until she was standing right in front of him.

“Can I…touch you?” Bolin asked, then cringed as if expecting her to strike him. Instead, after some thought, Eska granted him permission.

She gave an inadvertent shiver at the touch of his callused hands on her skin. He seemed to find her mammary tissue to be acceptable after all. It felt surprisingly good, and made her body feel warm all over. She soon decided it felt _too_ good; she couldn’t afford to lose control.

“That’s sufficient,” she barked. It was time to get this over with. She pushed Bolin down until he was lying on his back, then positioned herself over him and attempted to mimic what she’d seen the Avatar doing (since in this case, letting the man do everything obviously wouldn’t work).

There was a problem, though. No matter how many times she tried, it wouldn’t go in. So Eska reached down, spread herself apart as far as she could, and forced it in.

And…it hurt. Quite badly.

She tried not to show it, but she must have somehow, because Bolin asked, “You okay?” while trying to sit up.

“Lie. Back. Down.”

“But…”

“ _Silence_!”

Once he had submitted again, Eska gritted her teeth and began to move. No matter how bad the pain was, she had to finish what she’d started. And finished it was…in just a couple of minutes. Eska wasn’t completely sure how Bolin had managed it.

“Is that blood?” Bolin asked faintly as Eska got up. She decided to not even dignify such a stupid question with a response, and stalked off to the bathroom, trying very hard to not limp.

As soon as the door was closed behind her, she sank onto the floor, and squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened. So. Obviously they’d done _something_ wrong. Why hadn’t it worked like it had when the Avatar was doing it? Had they used the wrong hole? Come to think of it, Eska wasn’t completely sure how many holes there _were_ in the first place.

For a few minutes, she sat there rocking back and forth. Mother hated it when she did this, since it was another one of Eska’s “difficulties”…but Mother wasn’t here right now.  
Once she’d calmed down somewhat, she got a basin from the washstand and filled it at the sink. She bent a tendril of the water between her legs to try to heal herself. The soreness remained, but at least the bleeding stopped after a few passes.

Then she took some time to wash and comb her hair, clean herself up, and redo her makeup. She didn’t want to go to her wedding slovenly and smelling of sweat, after all.  
She went back into the bedroom and retrieved her clothes. Bolin hadn’t moved from where she’d left him, and for once he was quiet.

“Get up and get dressed. You may utilize the bathroom to attend to your hygienic needs. Desna will be in shortly with your wedding attire,” she told him. Once he had done as Eska said, she tackled the mess on the bed as best she could using waterbending, and pulled the sheets over what remained.

“Oh. And you are not to tell _anyone_ of what transpired here,” Eska added as she left the room. Even though it would be irrelevant once they were married, she still preferred that rumors not be spread. 

On her way down the hall she encountered a servant, whom she instructed to find the officiant for the wedding and tell him it was time for the ceremony. The servant was smart enough to not ask questions, and scurried off. Then Eska headed off to Desna’s room and knocked on the door. When he opened it, he looked concerned, but decided not to say anything. He remained silent as he helped her into her robe and attached her headdress.

Eska’s mouth made the slightest quirk as she saw Bolin’s pet curled on the bed, in an outfit Desna had made for it out of fabric scraps.

“Bring him as soon as he’s ready,” she said. Desna nodded and picked up the pet from the bed. Then he walked off, his arms full of robe, pet, and a large pot of hair pomade. 

Then Eska headed off herself, to the room where the ceremony would take place.

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She hadn’t believed her luck when she found this empty room. Apparently it was meant to be an audience chamber or meeting hall; however, it had never been put into use. The room was large, airy, and full of windows, which would let in the light from the sunset nicely. Normally, Eska preferred things to be dark and gloomy, but she’d make an exception this once. She had already had servants drag in a chair for Desna, and a small table to serve as an altar.

Once she reached the room, she had nothing to do but pace nervously and wait. This was it. In maybe an hour, she’d be a married woman, and there would be nothing Mother could do about it. Surely her relationship with Bolin would improve then. 

The officiant arrived in good time, and bowed to her. Eska stopped her pacing only long enough to acknowledge his presence.

Time passed…and then more time…and then more time. The sun had almost disappeared now. Eska’s heart pounded and her palms started to sweat. Was Desna supposed to be taking this long?

Then, Desna showed up…alone. All it took was one mournful shake of his head, and Eska lost it.

The meltdown she’d been holding off for days finally caught up with her, and all of the frustrations-this, plus her disastrous first sexual encounter, this stupid trip, her stupid mother-came pouring out at once as she screamed until her throat gave out, then sank down on the floor and began sobbing hysterically. When that wasn’t enough to assuage the weight of grief in her chest, she bit her hands and ripped her headdress off, not caring that it took some hair with it. She wished she could open her chest and rip her heart out, just to get rid of the pain.

She’d…she’d _given_ herself to him! She’d sacrificed her body, given the ultimate gift…and he’d _still_ left her! Why couldn’t something go right for her _this once_?

“Leave,” Desna snapped, and the officiant, who had slowly edged to the back of the room, needed no further encouragement. At first, her brother was unsure how to react, but then he crossed the room and knelt down next to Eska, awkwardly patting her shoulder. She bonelessly collapsed into his side and clung to him for several minutes.  
“Why did you let him leave?” Eska gasped out almost unintelligibly.

“He said he wanted to say goodbye to his friends and would be right back…I’m so sorry,” Desna said as he hung his head.

Eska’s initial instinct had been to blame her gullible brother, but once she could think somewhat rationally again, she realized that Bolin had had opportunities to escape while Eska was in the bathroom and while he’d been left alone in the room…and he hadn’t taken them. Plus, he already looked as if he was blaming himself. No, it wasn’t Desna’s fault. It must have been the Avatar and her friends! Bolin would never have left if they hadn’t convinced him to do so. And the Avatar probably had ulterior motives…Eska remembered how she had brazenly hugged Bolin at the South Pole.

“Do you…do you know where they went?” she whispered hoarsely.

“I’ll find out,” Desna assured her as he ran out. Within minutes, he was back.

“He was spotted boarding Varrick’s ship with the Avatar. They got past the blockade,” Desna reported.

“But _how_?” Eska shook her head. “No, disregard that. Is there still time for me to catch up with them?”

“Possibly.”

Without another word, Eska stood up, dragged her sleeve across her face, and hurried off to retrieve her husband. 

It was fully dark out now, and cold, and the wind made her feel numb. She started to worry that she’d lose her way, but then she saw a white ship with ornate trimming. That had to be it.

And she almost caught them. _Almost_. They saw her and sped up at the last minute, and she ran out of strength to pursue them any farther.

When she got back, Desna wordlessly led her back to her room, and she fell on the bed, not caring about still being fully-dressed, or her smeared makeup, or the still slightly-messy sheets. She was out like a light almost immediately.

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When she woke up, _everything_ was sore. Her legs from chasing after that boat for hours, her throat and eyes from all the crying, and of course between her legs as well. But she didn’t mind that last one so much now. It felt almost…bracing.

She rang for a servant and ordered him to bring her a light breakfast. When it arrived, she ate it in bed. In fact, she would have stayed in bed all day, if it wasn’t for Desna’s knock on the door.

“Father wants to talk to us,” he told her. Eska decided she would go as she was, even retrieving her discarded headdress from Desna and putting it back on. She had considered trying to hide her attempted wedding from Father, but no. She wanted to make a statement. He didn’t need to know about the other part.

But to Eska’s disappointment, Father didn’t react to her unusual look; not even so much as a double-take. He just said he needed Eska and Desna to go after the Avatar. Eska was all too happy to do this, but her enthusiasm was dampened somewhat when Father specified that Korra be brought back _alive_.

Before they set off on that mission, they would go most of the way back North on Father’s ship, since it would be much easier for them to make the trip to Republic City from there (Father himself, however, stayed behind). They left around noon. The trip was another boring one. Eska did get to finally have a full bath, and wash the old makeup from her face, but nothing else of note happened.

By late the next afternoon, they were at the dropoff point. Eska and Desna even got their own jet skis to make things faster.

As sheer luck would have it, they didn’t have to go all the way to the city and start looking. Instead, the Avatar came to _them_ on a speedboat! She seemed distracted, so it was easy to sneak up on her, and then ambush her from close range.

“You ruined my wedding!” Eska shouted… to make sure the Avatar knew Eska blamed her. “No one steals my Bolin!”

And once again, it was a near miss. Even though they quickly lost the jet skis, they just about had her, but then, of all things, a dark spirit showed up and dragged the Avatar underwater.

Eska looked at Desna. Desna looked at Eska. Father would have it in for them now. Not knowing what else to do, they turned and headed back south.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra-long chapter this time! I was having trouble with describing the action scenes, but then I realized: Eska would likely have described even the most awe-inspiring events in a rather flat way. So I decided to keep them as they were.

After their failed mission, and traveling almost literally halfway around the world and back (and using only their bending for the return trip), Eska was hoping she and Desna wouldn’t have to face Father right away. But they were met at the palace door by Father’s war advisor, Imnek.

“You two are to meet your father at the Southern spirit portal,” he informed them, adding “your highnesses” almost as an afterthought.  
Eska barely repressed an eyeroll.

“Can it wait until we have recuperated?” Desna asked.

“Um…he said as soon as you get back,” Imnek answered, before bowing and scurrying off. Eska had never been sure how that man had become a great general, since he had always struck her as nothing more than a giant coward.

Thus they set off once again. At least they were given a ride there, so they didn’t have to go all the way to the South Pole on foot. When they reached the portal, they were surprised to see a gate and watchtowers surrounding it.

“It would appear that Father has done some renovations,” Eska commented.

The gate slowly opened, and the driver of their vehicle let them off before driving away as quickly as he could. Apparently, he was not enamored of the new fortifications.

The twins walked through the gate to the portal and waited.

After what seemed like forever…it could have been half an hour, or it could have been half the _day_ for all she knew…Eska snapped, “Where is he?”

“Father said he would meet us at this location. He’ll be here,” Desna answered. He also sounded impatient, although Eska wasn’t sure whether it was directed towards Father or towards her.

Just then, Father did show up…but not from the direction they were anticipating. Instead of walking through the gates, he came out of the portal itself.

“Were you just in the _Spirit World_?” Desna asked incredulously.

“Never mind that. Where is the Avatar?” Father said.

Eska steeled herself, then explained, “She was within our grasp…until a dark spirit attacked her.”

“They’re out of control,” Desna added.

“ _You didn’t get her_?” Father inquired in a dangerous tone.

“The Avatar is dead,” Eska told him.

There followed a lecture of epic proportions about their incompetence, both in this endeavor and in general. Eska was used to this ranting and raving from Mother, but not from _Father_. All Eska and Desna could do was stand there and look contrite. And who knows, maybe Desna actually was contrite, but Eska couldn’t quite bring herself to feel that way. Seriously…what could they have done differently? Would Father have been happy if they’d brought the Avatar’s corpse back with them? Or if they’d chased the dark spirit and ended up dying themselves?

Finally, Father calmed down, caught his breath, and acted as though his outburst had never occurred. He said, “There’s still time. We’ll just have to find another way.” And he swept away, leaving Eska and Desna to their own devices.

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At first, Eska had thought they’d finally be able to go home. She wanted nothing more than to sleep in her own bed, which wasn’t tainted by bad memories. But if Father didn’t say they could go home, then they couldn’t.

After a week passed with no contact whatsoever from Father, then two, Eska began to doubt him for the first time. Did he even know what he was doing?

“Of _course_ he does,” Desna said when Eska voiced her concerns. He seemed offended that she would so much as think that. But then, Desna had always been much more obedient and dutiful than she was…as Mother had pointed out countless times. And if he trusted Father, Eska supposed she should as well.

And then, very abruptly, Father summoned them to the portal for a second time.

“Father, what are we doing here?” Desna asked. Even he was slightly cranky after being dragged from bed hours before dawn.

“ _You’re_ here to straighten out the mess you’ve caused when you failed to capture the Avatar,” Father replied.

“I told you it wasn’t our fault!” Desna protested.

“You’re right. It was _my_ fault for trusting you,” Father retorted. Eska had to bite her tongue to maintain silence.

Father continued, “Harmonic Convergence is upon us. This is my opportunity to change the world.”

“We’ll make it up to you, Father,” Eska assured him. Really, what else was there for her to say? She knew it was past the time when he’d accept simple apologies.

“Good. Because I’ll need your help to open the Northern portal,” Father said.

Eska had no idea how they could help with that. Desna must have been thinking something similar, because he said, “I thought only the Avatar could do it!”  
“I believe there is another way,” Father stated. Eska started picking at the skin around her thumbnails-an old nervous habit-as they followed Father through the portal. Eska was surprised at how little she felt from crossing over into the Spirit World…she’d been half-expecting that the portal would zap her, or something equally unpleasant.

The landscape was much the same as it had been on the other side...mountainous and barren, if anything even more so. Father directed their attention to the Northern portal. Finding it had been easy, but getting to it was another matter. They had to descend the cliff upon which they stood, navigate the rocky terrain, and ford several shallow streams. Eska was exhausted by the time they got there. She wasn’t used to walking long distances; usually she could use her waterbending to slide over the ice when she had to get somewhere far away.

“Father, haven’t the spirits had ten thousand years to open this portal?” she asked.

Surprisingly, Desna seemed to share her doubts, because he chimed in, “If they could not succeed, what makes you think we will?”

“By entering the Spirit World through the portal, we bring with us something the spirits never had…our bending,” Father explained, and bent a stream of water at the portal to demonstrate. “Join me! Together we can open this portal!” he ordered the twins.

Well, he sounded sure of himself. Eska and Desna looked at each other, and did as Father told them. But just seconds later, the portal retaliated and sent out jagged, purple bolts of energy. Desna went flying.

“Desna!” Eska exclaimed.

“Leave him! Keep bending!” Father said. But Eska didn’t obey him this time.

She ran over to Desna. For a split second she feared the worst, but she quickly saw he was still breathing.

“He needs a healer at once,” Eska said.

“This is more important!” Father snarled.

Eska wrestled with indecision for the briefest moment, then decided: No. Nothing could possibly be more important than her brother. She didn’t care about any possible consequences.

“I’m taking him back,” she said firmly as she helped Desna to his feet. She was expecting Father to give chase, but he didn’t.

And take him back she did...back to the Southern portal, then all the way back to the palace. She was all but carrying Desna on her back by the time they got there.

“We need a healer… _now_!” she snapped at the first person she encountered…it could have been a servant, or a soldier, or the majordomo for all she cared.

She stood by Desna’s side as help was brought in the form of several men, and as these men lifted Desna and carried him into his room and carefully hoisted him onto the bed. Only when the healer had come in with her large bag of potions, thoroughly examined Desna, and declared him out of immediate danger, did Eska give in to her exhaustion. Her legs went out from under her, and she collapsed right then and there, on the floor next to Desna’s bed.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eska woke up face-to-face with the carpet. That was odd, she thought. Why did I decide to sleep on the floor? Then she remembered.

Obviously, the healer had checked her as well, and decided that she would be all right with some rest, because there was a blanket covering her that had not been there before.  
“Are you awake?”

The weak, rasping voice came from the bed. Desna was conscious!

“You ought not to be speaking,” Eska scolded him as she stood up. “You need total rest so you can…”

And then, the next thing she knew, she was back on the floor. She’d only blacked out for a second or two, and once Desna realized she was fine and he didn’t need to call for help, he said in a slightly teasing manner, “You were saying…?”

“Well, I suppose I shouldn’t have leaped up that quickly,” Eska allowed. She got up…more carefully this time…and sat on the edge of Desna’s bed.

“You shouldn’t have done that, you know,” Desna said as he sat up too.

“Done what?”

“You know what.”

Eska blinked.

“But…you were gravely injured. I couldn’t abandon you. If I had caused your demise by my inaction, I’m…I’m not sure what I would have done with myself.”

“It would have been for the greater good,” Desna insisted. Eska decided to let the subject drop, since she didn’t want to argue with him when he was in this condition.  
Instead, she said, “I feel as if I’ve taken you for granted over these past weeks. And for that, I apologize.”

Desna was silent for nearly a minute. Eska let him take his time to think up a response. She wasn’t sure what Desna would say in return, but she definitely hadn’t been expecting it to be, “I…confess that I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

Eska dearly wanted to know what he meant, but felt that she shouldn’t urge him to talk before he was ready. 

“I think…I think I may have secretly wanted him to run away,” he finally said, and winced at the strain all this talking, combined with sitting up, was putting on him.

“Don’t over-exert yourself!” Eska cautioned again, and helped him lie back on the pillows. Only then did the meaning of his words sink in. They both knew which “him” Desna had been referring to.

Desna closed his eyes for a few minutes to regain his strength. He was quiet so long that Eska started to think he’d fallen asleep. But then he turned his head and looked at her with a pained expression…which might not have been entirely from physical pain.

Finally he began speaking once more, quietly enough that Eska had to bend down to hear him.

“I was jealous because I knew I would have never had a chance with him.”

Well. Eska had not been anticipating that, but it explained a lot.

“Please don’t tell Mother and Father,” he begged.

“I would never even contemplate doing such a thing,” Eska said stoutly.

“You’re not angry?”

“Of course not. You’re my brother, now and always.”

Desna seemed to be struggling to put his emotions into words. Finally, he settled for a simple “Thank you.”

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Eska stayed by her brother’s side during his entire recovery, except during the nights, when the healer managed to convince her that Desna would be fine without her, and she should go rest in her own room.

There was an ominous lack of contact from Father over the next few days. Had he stayed in the Spirit World? In any case, Eska supposed she was grateful for the reprieve, so Desna could get fully better before Father needed them again. 

Then, the sixth day after Desna’s accident, the twins were sitting in his room and sharing a quiet supper when Father showed up seemingly out of nowhere. Eska happened to glance towards the door and there he was. She nearly choked on a bite of steamed bun.

“Tonraq is leading an attack on this city. I need you two to help subdue him.”

After Eska stopped coughing, she tried not to show how badly she’d been startled, and it looked as if Desna was doing the same.

“May we at least be allowed to finish ingesting our food?” Desna asked. Father said they weren’t.

They had stayed inside the palace the whole time Father was gone, and Eska was shocked to see how the situation had deteriorated outside. Dark spirits were everywhere now. But Father didn’t appear to be concerned. He even got on the back of one of the spirits and began riding it to make an aerial attack on the rebels. Surprisingly, it let him. Eska and Desna got no such privilege, and had to climb up onto the roof under their own power.

The three of them started attacking the rebels furiously, along with Father’s soldiers. Obviously, these people had not been expecting a counterstrike this quickly, and fighting off them and the dark spirits simultaneously proved too much for them to handle. They were overpowered in a matter of minutes. Then Tonraq tried to take on Father in single combat, but he was no more successful.

Well, that had been easy. Eska was happy that the rebels had been thoroughly put in their place, but more importantly, she thought, she and Desna would finally be able to finish their supper.

Alas, that was not to be. Father said they would not be returning to the palace, and would be staying in tents near the portal. Once this was through, Eska never wanted to see another tent for the whole remainder of her life.

On their way to the camp, Father told them that the Northern spirit portal had been opened. Evidently, the Avatar had not been as dead as Eska and Desna had thought. So why were they still staying at this awful place?

The next morning, neither twin had slept well, and tempers were running high. Eska in particular felt like the slightest thing would set her off. Finally, the two decided to confront Father. They needed answers.

“What are we still doing here, Father?” Eska asked as soon as they were permitted entrance to Father’s tent.

“The invasion was completely successful and the Southern tribe is under our control. The spirit portals are open!” Desna added.

“You’ve restored balance. Now we would like to go home,” Eska told him.

But Father said, “You don’t understand. Everything I’ve achieved so far will pale in comparison with what I’m about to accomplish.”

“What else _is_ there? The Water Tribe is united!” Desna said. This was getting more confusing by the second.

Father went on about a “glorious revolution” as the twins looked at each other apprehensively, and told them to round up the troops to protect the portal.

“From…whom? We’ve already beaten everyone,” Eska pointed out.

“The Avatar will be here soon,” Father said. “She has no choice.”

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Right after they left Father’s tent, Eska had another dizzy spell. Desna caught her before she hit the ground.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked her.

“I’m fine. It’s probably just anxiety.”

“We’ll make an inspiring sight for the troops, won’t we?” Desna asked drily. Eska snorted.

But if the troops were less-than-inspired by the twins’ haggard appearance, they kept it to themselves. They immediately did as they asked. And it was not a moment too soon; the soldiers had scarcely assumed position when an airplane came into view.

From then on, all hell broke loose. Explosions and projectiles rocked the camp. But Eska wasn’t scared; rather she felt a sort of detachment from the whole scene. Well…the top priority was getting rid of that plane. Since the soldiers were having trouble accomplishing this task, it appeared it would be up to Eska and Desna. They took the tail off with one well-aimed barrage of icicles. It crashed shortly thereafter.

They got a brief reprieve from the action, until soldiers came back with the Avatar and her companions as prisoners. Including…Bolin. That was fast. Anticlimactic, even.  
Eska walked up to the Avatar’s three friends, who had been brought back second… _don’t look at him don’t look at him_ …and marched them over to the tent where the Avatar, her airbending instructor and his sister, and her father were being held. The three new prisoners were unceremoniously thrown onto the floor.

“Congratulations, everyone,” Father said as he entered the tent after them. “You’ve all got front-row seats for the beginning of a new world order.”

The Avatar argued with him. Father said that he was going to restore balance by fusing with Vaatu and becoming a “dark Avatar”.

Well. That was new. Questions began racing through Eska’s head. What, exactly, would happen when he did this? Where would they live? Would they ever see the North again? Would Father still even be human? Would _any_ of them still be human?

At least this maybe explained why Father had never seemed to care whether Eska got married or not.

Her stomach started to clench. She wanted to support her father in everything he did, but now he was making that more and more difficult!

When Father was done talking, he turned to the twins and said, “Keep them locked up. After the Harmonic Convergence, I will come for Korra.”

Eska didn’t know what to say except, “Yes, Father.”

After Father left, everyone stared at each other for what seemed an unfathomably long time. Then, as the twins were taking a peek outside the tent at the spirits flying around the portal, the Avatar said, “Eska, Desna, listen to me. You’ve gotta help us stop Unalaq. I know he’s your father, but Vaatu has made him completely crazy!”

“We will never turn on our father,” Eska told her…with more conviction than she felt, but they didn’t need to know that.

The Avatar kept pressing, but her attempts only made Desna mad.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” he cried. “Our father is the wisest man in the world. If he says what he is doing is right, I believe him.”

Eska kept quiet.

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From there, things went from bad to worse. Apparently they had missed a prisoner…the airbending instructor’s idiotic nonbender brother, who somehow managed to breach their defenses and release the prisoners. And the Avatar’s polar bear dog incapacitated Eska and Desna, so there was nothing they could do about it.

Then, as they came to and went outside, Harmonic Convergence happened. The sky turned a threatening purple, and the twins were knocked back by the shock wave. Eska wanted nothing more than to curl up and rock and hum until this was resolved one way or another. But that was not an option.

After they’d recovered, Desna said, “We should go to the portal. In case Father requires our assistance.”

“Yes. That is probably a good idea,” Eska answered in a voice that she tried very hard to keep calm.

They went to the portal…but there was no sign of Father.

“Where’d he go?” she asked.

Right as she finished speaking, a screaming man was ejected from the portal and landed an impressive distance away.

“Ah yes. That would be him,” Eska said.

Father was closely followed by Bolin and Mako, who were obviously sent to keep him from reentering the portal. Eska and Desna could have gone over to help him…but they didn’t.

After a while, Father retreated and found the twins. He nodded wordlessly at them, and they had no choice but to follow.

It was not hard to find them, since Bolin gave away their position by shouting, “Unalaq? Are you out there?”

Of all the _stupid_ …that boy would not know stealth even if it bit him on his gluteal muscles (which were quite impressive, if Eska recalled correctly, but now was not the time to think about that).

The brothers were pathetically trying to hide behind rather small boulders. It still would have been easy to locate them even if Bolin hadn’t started yelling.

“Hello, my feeble turtleduck,” Eska said as she peered around at him. He screamed. She bent a stream of water at him. Desna similarly took care of Mako, and then Father bent a larger stream at both of them.

“Don’t let them escape this time!” was all the instruction Father gave before he walked into the portal once more. But they escaped anyway; they had regained consciousness more quickly than the twins had anticipated, and ran back into the portal as well. Although…looking back, Eska thought that maybe they hadn’t tried their absolute _hardest_ to keep the brothers captive. In any case, Desna and Eska quickly caught up to them and froze them in ice blocks.

In the Spirit World, their father was quickly gaining the upper hand. The Avatar made a few feeble attempts to stop him, but right after Eska and Desna got there, Vaatu fused with Father.

Well. So. That just happened.

Father had insisted that he’d still be human, but that didn’t look human to Eska.

“We are now one! Now a new era for spirits and humans will begin! And I will lead them all as the new Avatar!” he (they? it?) said. But Korra still wasn’t giving up.

Meanwhile, Mako was begging to be let out of the ice. (Obviously, it hadn’t occurred to him to try to use his firebending…best to keep it that way.)

“His groveling is pathetic,” Desna said.

“But I do enjoy the sweet scent of desperation,” Eska added, although of course she would have liked it much more from the other brother.

Mako continued in his attempts to convince them to turn.

“Come on! Your dad has become an evil monster. He’s gonna bring on eternal darkness. Why would you protect someone who doesn’t care about you at all?”

He didn’t understand. They had no choice, and there could be no turning back now.

“Father _was_ going to let me expire when we were trying to open the Northern portal,” Desna pointed out. “Perhaps we should rethink our position.”

Now _he_ was doubting? After all the times he’d reassured Eska about Father’s intentions? If he defected, then all hope would be lost.

“No! Don’t listen to him. His words are poisoning your mind!” she said.

Then Bolin did what he did best. He started crying.

“What’s with this outburst of emotion?” Eska asked him.

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it! It’s just so sad that I’ll never get to be with you again!”

That was unexpected. Eska demanded that he explain himself further.

“Eska…I’ve always loved you, and I’ve always wanted to be with you, but now that the world is ending…I’m never gonna get that chaaance!”

Well, maybe he should have thought about that before he ran away from her after she gave him her virginity! She reminded him of that…well, the first part, at least.

Bolin’s response was a pretty little speech…maybe a bit _too_ pretty. It piled on the metaphors, and Eska wasn’t sure whether to laugh or join him in crying. So she decided to kiss him instead.

Their first kiss, strangely enough. It was a bit messy, but satisfactory enough for Eska to decide to let the brothers go free.

“You’ll never defeat my father. But, should you survive…perhaps we could spend eternal darkness together,” she told Bolin. Just the two of them-and Desna, of course; she’d be willing to share Bolin with him-traveling the world and trying not to get devoured by dark spirits. She thought she’d like that. But she didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because Bolin ran off with his brother.

“They will certainly perish,” Desna said.

It occurred to Eska belatedly that Bolin may have been embellishing things a bit. There was a good reason why she normally avoided emotions. Oh well. In other circumstances, she’d be upset, but there were more important things going on at the moment.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They walked out of the portal only to see their…well, what _used_ to be their father growing to an immense size and departed for parts unknown. They all got knocked back once again by the energy blast, and the airbending instructor and his siblings appeared out of nowhere to heal Korra, Mako and Bolin…but didn’t bother with the twins. They had to get up on their own.

“What do we do now?” Eska asked. Desna shrugged.

“It was a rhetorical question,” she informed him.

“Oh.”

From then on…things happened. Eska would be hard-pressed to say exactly what those things _were_ , since she wasn’t witness to the actual fight between the two Avatars. Up here, they didn’t have much to do other than ward off dark spirits. Eska and Desna decided to join the fight just in time to rescue Bolin. Again.

“Eska! I love you!” he shouted, and kissed her cheek. She appreciated the sentiment, but perhaps now was not the best time.

“Let’s face the end of the world together!” he cried as he joined them.

“You’re so romantic,” Eska told him.

But their bravado was short-lived. There were too many spirits, and they were forced to retreat into the Tree of Time. It became obvious that this would only buy them a few seconds, but when all hope seemed lost, Korra, who had somehow turned into a blue giant despite her physical body being present in the tree, vanquished all the spirits. At this point, Eska wasn’t even going to ask.

But wait…if she was alive…then that meant Father, or what had been left of him, was dead. She guessed she could live with that.

Then more things happened, and Eska guessed this meant Harmonic Convergence was over, and that they weren’t getting eternal darkness after all. Too bad.

Then, of course, everyone had to run up and congratulate Korra, and once again Eska and Desna were forgotten about. Eska supposed she would let it slide this one time.

Oddly enough, it was _Korra_ who remembered about them.

“I’m sorry about your father, but he was already fused with Vaatu. I couldn’t save him,” she said.

“It seems Cousin Korra is under the impression that we are saddened by our father’s demise,” Eska told Desna. She was quite impressed with herself for getting social cues right this time.

“But I will not miss him at all. In the end, he became a deplorable man,” Desna replied.

“Agreed,” Eska said. Then she thought of something.

“But how will we explain this to Mother?” she asked. Their parents had had an arranged marriage, but they had genuinely loved each other…or at least, Mother had loved Father.  
Before Desna could answer, Bolin came up to them.

“So! I was thinking! I’m not really a fan of the long-distance relationship thing, so how about you move to Republic City with me?”

It was tempting. They could finally have their wedding, and move in together, and Eska would really try to be more considerate of his feelings this time. (She had given this matter much thought during Father's lengthy absences, especially after Desna's accident forced her to rethink her priorities.) But she quickly saw that this wouldn’t work.

“I do not think that will be possible,” she told him. He sighed.

“Okay, Desna can come too.”

That was indeed a generous offer. But he was missing the point. Now that Father was no longer in this world, someone had to rule the Northern Water Tribe. They couldn’t leave their home when the people needed them the most.

“I will not be joining you, Bolin. Desna and I must return home,” she said firmly. If he couldn’t join her up North, then she’d have to let him go.

Bolin was confused.

“But you said…” he started.

“Eternal darkness was upon us. I became caught up in the moment,” Eska explained.

“Yeah…I guess I did too,” Bolin said.

“But…you will always hold a special place in the organ that pumps my blood,” Eska assured him. “I will remember you fondly…my turtleduck.” Then they kissed for a final time.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late at night when they disembarked from the ship that carried them home. The twins had decided it would be better if Desna delivered the news to Mother. Eska, on the other hand, went straight to her room.

At first, she was happy to be back where she belonged, with the comforting scent and non-scratchy sheets of her own bed. But when she started unpacking her belongings (which had been carried to her room ahead of time), the first thing that popped out of her suitcase was the missing stuffed turtleduck.

She clung tightly onto it while she cried herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit, when I was writing this chapter I couldn't stop thinking about an AU in which Bolin and Eska DID spend eternal darkness together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening scene of this chapter was inspired by a post by Tumblr user swan2swan. Other than that, I don't have much to say except to warn that there is some mention of off-color bodily functions.

If Eska had thought that being home would put an end to being woken up by loud, intrusive noises, she was sadly mistaken. The next morning, she heard a congregation of angry voices just down the hall.

She groaned and forced herself out of bed and into her bathroom. After taking care of the usual things, she applied healing waterbending to her eyes to get rid of the puffiness from all the crying she’d done last night. Satisfied that she looked like at least slightly less of a wreck, she put on her bathrobe and went to see what all the fuss was about.  
A small crowd of consternated men were huddled around Desna’s door. Imnek was among them.

“There she is!” Imnek exclaimed when they saw Eska looking at them.

“We’re so glad you’re awake!” he went on. “Here, you go talk some sense into him…he’ll listen to you. He can’t stay in there forever!”

Eska tried the door. It was locked.

“Desna?” she asked. “It’s me. What is going on here?”

She heard a click as the lock turned, and Desna opened the door.

“I have refused to leave my room unless they agree to crown you along with me,” he explained. “I retrieved nonperishable food items and water from the kitchen last night, so while they are correct that I cannot stay in here forever, I _will_ be able to barricade myself for a very long time.”

“Ah,” Eska said. Truth be told, she had never given any thought to the possibility of joint rule. She’d assumed Desna would rule and she would assist him behind the scenes, but it had never occurred to her that they could share actual power.

“If he abdicates, then we have no eligible immediate family left to take his place!” another of the men said.

“And as I have already explained to you, that is not my concern,” Desna answered coolly.

“Hmmm,” Eska said as she thought. Then she turned to the men and asked, “And why can we not have a joint rule, exactly?”

The men looked as if she had asked them why one shouldn’t go skinny-dipping in the middle of winter.

“It’s…it’s never been done!” Imnek sputtered.

“Is there a law against it?”

“Well, no, but…the Northern Water Tribe settled here thousands of years ago, and in all of recorded history, we have never had a female ruler. The very idea is preposterous!”

Eska stood quietly for another few seconds, then turned to join her brother in his room.

“What are you doing?!” the men asked, almost in unison.

“I shall keep my brother company until you change your minds,” she informed them. It was only fair, after all. She knew how to rule as well as her brother did. As children, they’d both followed Father around as he went about his day, since there was usually nothing better to do. In addition, Father had been grooming Desna for this role almost as soon as Desna was old enough to comprehend his words (presumably in preparation for when Father thought he’d be off doing Dark Avatar things), and Eska had often been allowed to sit in on the lessons. 

As soon as Eska was fully in the room, Desna slammed the door, then both relocked it and drew the bolt across. They sat calmly on his bed, ignoring the pounding and outraged yells.

“How long do you think it will take them to give in?” Eska asked.

“I have no idea,” Desna answered.

“Well, there is a small issue. I have not yet brushed my teeth or my hair, and the necessary supplies are still in my own bathroom.”

“Do not worry. I procured extras, since I expected you would decide to accompany me.”

Eska stared at him in wonderment.

“Brother, you are truly a master tactician,” she said.

“I know,” Desna answered.

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Father’s advisors caved after only two days. Eska was a bit disappointed. She had been hoping for a real challenge from them. A defeated Imnek knocked on their door and informed them that the double coronation would take place in a week. It could have happened sooner, but the craftsmen needed the time to replace the single throne in the audience chamber with two new ones. The twins spent most of that week in the library, brushing up on their knowledge of the laws of the land, so Father’s advisors wouldn’t be able to use their ignorance to pull a fast one on them.

The coronation itself was long, solemn, and very boring. Eska tried to focus on every word, but all she could think about was how uncomfortable this throne was, and how badly she had to urinate (despite being careful to take care of that before the ceremony). Still, she felt a deal of satisfaction once the whole ritual was over, and she and Desna were officially co-chieftains. Now Mother would never be able to tell her what to do ever again! In fact, no-one would, really.

Sadly, things did not get much more interesting once they actually started doing their job. Eska threw up before their first morning audience, which she assumed was due to nerves, but she needn’t have worried. The petitioners had all been pre-screened by their staff, and mostly it was a matter of giving their approval to decisions that had already been made. And when they weren’t doing that, they were trying to not fall asleep in boring council meetings. And when they weren’t doing _that_ , they were sitting on their thrones not doing much of anything.

But they did get some new freedoms. Finally, Eska could read whatever books she wanted in the library! Before, she was only allowed to check out one book at a time, and she had to have a chaperone with her to make sure it was approved reading material. But now she could read all the most scandalous books and no one could stop her. She especially liked the books about Princess Azula of the Fire Nation; she found that she identified quite strongly with her. But soon she had read all the books on Azula that the library had to offer…she’d have to look into fixing that soon.

One day she also found a stack of magazines buried in the library’s storage room. They were from the Earth Kingdom, and aimed at girls Eska’s age. Among their contents were beauty tips, information about the latest fashions, and, most relevantly, advice about romantic relationships. From these magazines, Eska gleaned that young people participated in something called “dating,” which was like courtship but did not necessarily end in marriage. This was where Bolin had gotten the word “boyfriend” from. And sometimes people had sex when they were “dating” even if they weren’t married, so it wasn’t just a Southern Water Tribe thing like she’d been told. She really wished she had known about this _before_ she had met Bolin…it would have made things much more clear.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On an afternoon a few weeks after they were sworn in, Eska and Desna were slouched in the empty audience chamber (these thrones were not easy on their backs) when they received visitors…their uncle and the former Fire Lord Zuko. (Wait…he was still alive?)

“Lord Zuko…Uncle…this is a surprise,” Desna said.

“ _Finally_ , something interesting happens. Ruling the tribe is so tedious,” Eska added. More importantly, it might distract her from the nausea that continued to plague her a good portion of the time.

Zuko, too, had become a ruler at a young age, so he seemed to understand their pain.

“Then you should enjoy this,” he told them. “We need to check on a secret ice prison in the western tundra.”

There were not many things that could make the twins smile, but this was one of them. Not only a prison, but a _secret_ one? Count them in!

They got to ride over on Zuko’s dragon. Obviously, this was a great honor, since there were still so few dragons in the world, but the ride sent Eska’s stomach into a lurch anew.  
“Why didn’t anyone tell us we have a secret prison we could have been throwing people in?” she griped as they walked in.

“I’d like to put my tailor in here. He never gets my cuffs right; they’re so…creasy,” Desna added. Indeed, Eska had seen him fixing the cuffs himself many a time, while muttering darkly under his breath. He probably didn’t even need a tailor at all, but they had been convinced to keep on all of the palace’s old staff because it would help the economy…or something like that.

They all got into an elevator that seemed to descend forever. Eska was concentrating very hard on not vomiting in this elevator, since that would make things extremely awkward.  
“We built this place secretly with your father to hold a very…special prisoner,” Zuko explained. He said he had hired a person with powers similar to this prisoner’s to kill the Avatar. There was a pause.

“Didn’t work,” he added, presumably just in case anyone was confused.

“Don’t feel bad. I tried to kill Korra after she ruined my wedding. It happens,” Eska said. Uncle Tonraq looked at her like her words had the power to retroactively murder his daughter. 

As she spoke, the elevator stopped, which settled the nausea somewhat.

“Let’s just focus on keeping this woman in prison,” Tonraq said. Apparently, this meant they all had to stay down here and personally keep the prisoner from escaping. Except Zuko, who flew off on his dragon to get a better view.

After a while, they went back up to the surface (which meant another trip in the elevator…uggggh) to await Zuko’s return.

“Did you see Zaheer?” Tonraq asked him when he came back.

“The only thing I saw was a snowstorm heading our way,” Zuko replied. But it soon turned out that he was mistaken, and the “snowstorm” was actually the man they were looking for. Eska thought that maybe it had been a bad idea to send an 87-year-old man out to do reconnaissance.

Despite their best efforts, the prisoner escaped. Eska worried that she may have partially been to blame for that. Since she was feeling off, her bending was not quite as powerful as it should have been. Later, Desna would assure her that it wasn’t her fault, but she was just so tired of this!

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After that momentary excitement, it was back to their boring old lives. Korra saved the world (again), which was good, Eska supposed. After this, her cousin fell ill and had to go to the South to recuperate. Eska, however, got no such privilege.

She could not show any sign of weakness in public; she had worked too hard to attain recognition from the men. In fact, a lot of these men were still complaining about her being co-chieftain, and would love any excuse to oust her. She didn’t even discuss it with Desna, although surely he noticed something was amiss.

It was all due to the stress of her new position, she told herself. She was sure that if she just ignored the nausea, it would eventually go away on its own…and, after a couple of months, it did for the most part. She thought the same about the constant urges to void her bladder (thankfully, she hadn’t had any accidents, but there were a few close calls involving large decorative urns in deserted corridors; she was always careful to bend the evidence out the nearest window), the sore breasts, and (perhaps most embarrassing of all) her struggles with her bowels.

It took her an absurdly long time to put all the pieces together. One night, about three months after she and Desna ascended the throne, she noticed that her sleeping pants were getting tight around the waist. They had used to be quite baggy even when the drawstring was pulled out as far as it could go, but now the waistline was taut against her skin. She had been eating more now that the nausea had subsided…perhaps she had put on more weight than she had intended?

She walked over to her full-length mirror to check it out. At first she didn’t see much, but then she turned to the side, saw her reflection in profile…and froze.

No. _It couldn’t be_!

In desperation, her hands flew to her stomach, and sure enough, she could detect the fluid within…as well as what was floating inside it.

By now, Eska was in a near-total panic. She dashed over to her brother’s room and pounded on the door with all her strength. Desna opened the door right away.  
“What is it? Are you all right? Are you ailing?” he asked as Eska dashed into his room. He was used to helping her through anxiety attacks, but this was an entirely different matter.

When the door was safely closed again, Eska wordlessly put her brother’s hands on her abdomen. At first Desna looked confused, but then his eyes widened.

“How long have you known of this?” he asked with a note of accusation in his voice.

“About two minutes,” Eska answered flatly. Desna looked consoled that she hadn’t been keeping secrets from him.

“I suppose now you will inform everyone of my shame,” she added.

Desna shook his head.

“Why would you think that?” he asked. “I would never betray you…especially not after you’ve kept _my_ secret. Like you said-now and always.”

Eska almost wept with relief.

“I take it you did want to keep it a secret between us?” Desna inquired.

“That is correct.”

“But they will find out eventually…unless you…”

Eska recoiled.

“I would never do that!” she insisted. “ I just see no reason to let them know until it’s absolutely necessary. Besides, we do need an heir. This way, neither of us will ever have to marry. And it would do our line some good to get fresh blood into it....we’re rather inbred.”

“I take it the father is who I think it is?” Desna ventured.

“Who else?” Eska said with a hint of a smile.

They spent some time talking how they’d go about concealing this. Obviously, her tunic would only hide it for so long, so she’d be forced to wear her outer robe even indoors. Desna volunteered to wear his as well, so it wouldn’t stand out as much.

“Oh, and we’ll need diapers,” Eska pointed out. “And baby clothes…do you know how to make those?”

“I’ve never made any before, but I’m sure I can find patterns somewhere.”

“We have a lot of research to do…very carefully, of course.”

By the time Eska went back to her own room to sleep, she felt less panicky. She sunk down on her bed to think.

She’d never even considered that she might be pregnant, because she had been so convinced that she and Bolin had performed the act incorrectly. And as for her cycle…yes, it had occurred to her once or twice that she hadn’t bled for a while, but it was not uncommon for her to skip a month or even two. She’d just assumed it would come eventually, and then promptly forgot about it again.

Not to mention, she hadn’t even been clear about what the symptoms of pregnancy actually _were_. Mother had never encouraged talk about it.

She looked over at the telephone on her desk. Did she dare? She walked over, and, after a few failed attempts because her hands were shaking so much, dialed the number for Air Temple Island.

The phone was picked up on the second ring.

“Hello, Air Temple Island, Opal speaking. Who is this, please?” a female voice asked.

Wait. What was she thinking? She had promised to let Bolin go, and she was going to keep that promise! It had been her idea to commit the act that led to this pregnancy, so it was _her_ burden to bear.

“Hello? Are you there?” the voice asked. Eska slammed the phone back on the receiver and buried her face in her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I had a hard time thinking up an ending. Also...ESKA YOU #@$% IDIOT!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad I was able to finish this fic and finally get it out of my head! I don't think it's my _best_ work, but it's probably in the top five.

In time, Eska found that there were some aspects of pregnancy she actually enjoyed. Her changing form was one of them. She showed early, and the belly was very prominent on her petite frame. She had to be careful with her movements in public, even with her outer robe on.

She developed a habit of admiring her new shape in the mirror before she went to bed at night. Her hands would run over the curve of her belly and the new fullness of her breasts. Her body was sustaining the baby now, and was already making preparations to continue to do so after its birth, and that felt like a small miracle in and of itself. Why any woman would entrust the well-being of her infant to a wet-nurse was beyond her. She had every intention of doing all the breastfeeding herself.

And Eska didn’t even mind the stretch marks. Much.

About two weeks after she discovered she was pregnant, she felt the baby move for the first time. There were a few occasions where she wasn’t sure whether it was movement or just gas, but the first time she was certain of it happened to be in the middle of a very onerous state dinner. She had to fight to keep the usual bored and neutral expression on her face. Desna, however, would not be able to feel it for nearly another month, to his disappointment.

She also liked the adventure of sneaking into the library in the middle of the night and studying books on pregnancy, childbirth, and child care, using only a flashlight for illumination. Desna joined her some of the time; he was intent on helping to raise the baby in any way he could. In their rooms, they practiced folding diapers until they were both sure they could do it with their eyes closed.

But there were definite drawbacks to Eska’s gravid state as well. The nausea had subsided, only to be replaced by the worst back pain she had ever experienced in her life. When she sat on her throne, she often had to bite her lip to keep from crying out in agony. Desna tried his best to help her, but he was not a professional healer. For the first time, she felt some sympathy for Mother, whose problems during pregnancy had been even worse; so bad that she’d had to be on bed-rest most of the duration.

And there was the constant fear of getting caught. People asked her multiple times why she and Desna were wearing their coats indoors. Her response was always, “Because we feel like it.” After a while, everyone seemed to take the hint and stopped asking. But she still noticed odd looks being thrown in her direction every now and then.

One thing worked to her advantage: Mother had withdrawn from court life for several months due to her protracted time of grieving for Father. Even when she started rejoining them, she was somewhat distracted, and less likely to notice anything amiss with Eska.

There had been one close call, though. Eska had been craving pickled fish, and apparently the servant who delivered it was new to the palace and did not know she was to knock on the door and immediately retreat, leaving the food for Eska to collect. Thus, she was still there when Eska opened the door wearing only her nightclothes. Naturally, Eska was furious, but she decided to spare the terrified woman’s life (killing her would just lead to talk anyway), after swearing her to absolute secrecy. And, as far as Eska knew, the servant kept that vow. It was sheer luck that no one else happened to be in the hallway to observe that scene.

Afterwards, she was careful to put her coat on even when opening her door for a few seconds to retrieve food…just in case.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One night late in Eska’s second trimester, she woke once again with a pounding heart. It had been one of _those_ dreams again, and her groin ached from unfulfillment.

She huffed and tried to go back to sleep, but the ache persisted. Finally, she thought, why not? She was already pregnant, so it wasn’t like she had any purity to preserve.

She pushed up her nightgown and removed her underwear, and her fingers tentatively ghosted over the area. Everything down there was swollen and very sensitive due to the pregnancy. Her hips gave an involuntary jerk from even that light touch. It didn’t take her long to find the spot that felt even better than the rest of it.

Eska wasn’t quite sure exactly what would happen; even the most salacious books in the library were rather vague on the details. At first she thought that the urge would go away after a while, but instead it increased, with a sort of pulsing sensation that gradually became more regular and intense. She closed her eyes and pretended that it wasn’t her that was doing the touching.

At this point she wouldn’t have been able to take her hand away even if she’d tried. Finally, after what seemed like forever even though it was probably only a couple of minutes, she gave a sharp moan of relief.

Once she had recovered, Eska realized that now she felt rather...gushy down there. Curious, she tested out a finger, and found that it slid inside her painlessly and with very little effort.

That was it? _That_ was what had been missing; why the Avatar had found pleasure in her encounter but Eska hadn’t? Maybe she should have let Bolin keep touching her after all. This was another area in which she would have to improve the library’s resources.

After rearranging her clothing and making a trip to the bathroom to clean up, she had been planning to go back to sleep, but felt compelled to step out on the balcony. The moon was full, and she felt its tug. She decided she had a score to settle.

“I know now that Mother lied about you,” she announced to the sky, feeling vaguely foolish. “I found a book in the library that interviewed witnesses to your demise. They said you expired in the arms of Master Katara’s nonbender brother, who was _not_ your betrothed. So it appears you were not as perfect as Mother made you out to be.”

There was no answer. Well, honestly, what had she been expecting? That Yue would come down and forgive her and wrap her in a spiritual embrace? Eska shook her head, but continued talking.

“I also understand that what I did to Bolin was wrong. No ‘Yes, but…,’ just ‘Yes’. And I can’t take it back, but I hope I can at least partially atone for it by being a good mother. I don’t want to treat my child like my mother treated me.”

Well, she’d finally admitted it. Out loud, no less. She felt the baby stir within her.

“Will I be capable of doing such a thing?” she asked, mostly to herself. “People have always thought I’m heartless; perhaps I _am_.”

Having run out of things to say, Eska turned to go back to her room, feeling a bit better from getting that off her chest. For a split second, the moon appeared to shine more brightly and she thought she saw a ghostly figure out of the corner of her eye, but it was gone when she tried to get a better look.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the morning of her seventeenth birthday, Eska lay in bed and marveled at how much things had changed in a single year.

When she had turned sixteen, had she had any inkling that she would be co-chieftain within the year? Certainly not. Pregnant? Possibly, but she would have assumed it would have been within wedlock.

Well, at any rate, she and Desna had a busy and tedious day of celebrations ahead of them. She heaved herself out of bed to prepare. Lately, she had been taking showers, since she was worried if she lay down in the bathtub, she might never be able to get herself out again. After she was clean and groomed, she looked at herself in the mirror. The photographers would be everywhere, and it was getting harder and harder to conceal this enormous protrusion.

“I don’t suppose it would be possible for you to shrink just for today?” she asked her bump. She received a vigorous kick to the ribs in response.

“I thought not,” she said. She couldn’t imagine this unborn child getting any bigger than it already was, but there was a whole month left, so somehow it would.

Eska managed to get dressed on her own (naturally, she couldn’t let any servants assist her), and crammed her swollen feet into shoes. She checked again in the mirror, and decided that her belly would only really show to someone who was specifically looking for it. That would have to do.

She met Desna out in the hallway, and they walked very slowly and carefully to the audience chamber.

The day was every bit as horrid as Eska had feared. They had to sit through countless speeches extolling their virtues (which were obviously both false and insincere), were presented with hundreds of gifts that they had no use for, and endured a dinner which lasted for hours. At least the courtiers had given up on expecting them to look happy. 

In addition, they had to put up with the _delightful_ company of Mother, who was mostly back to her old self now. At one point, Mother’s attendant whispered something to her, to which Mother said loudly, “Of course not! Stop spreading those foul lies!” It seemed like half the court’s heads turned at that outburst. Eska turned away and busied herself with inspecting the large pile of furs which was Imnek’s gift to them.

By the time it was all over, Eska was about ready to weep from exhaustion. She and Desna had decreed that the festivities were not to continue past midnight (which was itself a compromise; they’d originally wanted to leave by eight, but the councilors had balked), but when the court did not disband at a speed which was to their liking, they up and left. Eska would have to reprimand them later for their flagrant rule-breaking.

Once they were in the peace and quiet of Eska’s room, and after Desna did a healing session on Eska’s back and feet, the twins exchanged their personal gifts to each other. While rummaging through the library’s archives, Eska had found a cache of very old sewing patterns that she thought were perfect for Desna. (Eska didn’t think of taking them as stealing, since the whole library belonged to them now anyway...and she had at least asked first.) And they seemed to be very much to his liking. Apparently, some of them were so old that they were no longer featured in modern books, which had been a source of anguish for him. Eska didn’t understand much about the specifics of these heretofore missing patterns, but she was glad she could have been of service to her brother.

And then it was time for Desna’s gift to her. Eska tore off the paper, and saw that it was a book: _Dangerous Ladies: The Story of Princess Azula and Fire Lady Mai_.

“It’s new,” Desna informed her. “I checked, and the library doesn’t have it yet.”

Eska was at a loss for words. So she hugged him instead…well, as much as she could manage with the baby in the way. She knew Desna was well aware of how rare and special a hug from her was.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next month crept by at an excruciatingly slow pace. Eska was uncomfortable for every second of every day; she was so huge that she wondered how her skin could still contain her. She had taken to having the stuffed turtleduck in bed with her again, and used it as a sort of support for her belly. It seemed like this was the only way she could get any sleep…in between getting up ten times a night to use the bathroom, that is.

The twins spent most of their spare time hemming diapers. They wanted to be sure there were enough to last until more could be ordered after the baby’s birth, and they thought it was better to err on the side of caution. Eska tried her best to do her part, but sewing was hard for her even under the best of circumstances, and now she had her clumsy sausage fingers to deal with. Desna could do twice as many in half the time… _and_ his stitchwork continued to be impeccable.

Eska wanted nothing more than for the baby to come out and end this torture, but when it was finally time, she found herself unprepared. When Eska woke up that day, she thought that she was just experiencing particularly bad back pain, but then she started feeling contractions during morning audience.

Could this really be it? She’d calculated her due date, and it was still a week off. Lately, she’d felt some cramping off and on, but nothing this regular. And she’d seen _something_ in her underwear yesterday, but the books said that was no guarantee that things would start right away.

Well, if the baby had decided to come a bit early, Eska certainly wasn’t going to complain.

For several hours, the pain was manageable…then it suddenly got a lot worse during lunch. When she felt a small gush of fluid, she thought that was probably her cue to leave. She waited until everyone was finished, so as not to make as much of a scene, and excused herself, saying that she was unwell.

It dawned on her that she’d never really thought of how she was actually going to go about having this baby. She had just assumed that she’d do it herself…the books said some women did.

Desna showed up at Eska’s room just a few minutes after she herself got there, right when she was in the middle of a contraction.

“I think it’s time,” she told him in a perfectly calm voice as soon as she could speak again.

“Do you want me to send for the doctor?” he asked.

“No. You must return to the audience chamber and continue in your duties. I’ll manage fine on my own.” The thought of strange people meddling with her and telling her what to do made Eska’s skin crawl. No, it would be much more expedient to go it alone.

Still, Desna hesitated.

“If you’re sure…” he said.

“I am.”

So Desna reluctantly left, and Eska was on her own. She hadn’t realized how tedious this process would be. She had nothing to do but walk around her room over and over again (another tip from the books). She supposed that her water had broken, but instead of the dramatic flood she’d been expecting, it was more like a disappointing, slow dribble.  
By suppertime, the pain was so great that Eska had been forced to retire to bed. She’d gotten a towel to bite down on to muffle her cries.

Desna came back to check on her in the evening, and seemed concerned that the baby hadn’t arrived yet.

“Is it supposed to take this long?” he asked.

“The books said the process could encompass a full day or even longer,” Eska said through a mouthful of towel.

Desna was quiet. Finally, and rather unexpectedly, he said, “I don’t like this. What if something goes wrong?”

“Nothing will go wrong,” Eska assured him. She had thought Desna would have had more faith in her than that! Honestly, men were so worthless in these situations. She wondered what Bolin would have done had he been here. Probably by now he’d have been passed out cold on the floor, and everyone would have had to step over him.

For a while longer, Desna sat with Eska and held her hand. But the sight of his sister in pain seemed to ultimately be too much for him to bear.  
“I’m retrieving assistance,” he informed her as he rose and walked towards the door.

“Don’t you _dare_.”

But for once, he ignored her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eska had been halfway convinced that her baby would die, as Princess Azula’s firstborn had. And Desna had likely been _more_ than halfway convinced that _Eska_ would die. Nevertheless, both Eska and her new daughter survived.

The birth itself was easy…at least, as far as evacuating a melon-sized object from one’s body could be called easy. Desna needn’t have worried after all. But he did manage to find a midwife who was not nearly as tedious as Eska had feared.

As for the baby…it had felt very heavy in the womb, but Kinalik turned out to be a tiny little thing. When she was weighed the next day, she was just shy of six pounds. But she was scrappy, and had a healthy cry. She was also quite striking in her appearance, with skin the color of milky tea, lots of hair, and bright green eyes.

Most unfortunately, some guards had been alerted by Kinalik’s first cries, and had caught a glimpse of Eska with her legs splayed and the baby still attached to her by the cord. They immediately ran to get Mother, who naturally was incensed. Mother actually got up out of her wheelchair-something she almost never did anymore-to let Eska _really_ have it. Eska let her know in no uncertain terms that she no longer held any power over her…but Mother’s words still stung.

Eska was back for morning audience the very next day; she was determined to not miss a single session. She wished that she could take Kinalik with her, but the baby was too young to be in a setting with that many people. So they hurriedly found a servant who seemed trustworthy to act as a temporary nurse.

Aside from Mother, not a single person at court acted the slightest bit surprised that Eska had given birth. Perhaps she had not concealed her pregnancy as well as she thought she had.

Although there had been no problems with the birth, the recovery was another story. First Eska contracted an infection that, while not life-threatening, was persistent and took weeks to fully disappear. And almost as soon as Eska got over that, her mental health took a turn for the worse.

She simply did not seem able to bond with Kinalik. It seemed like her daughter screamed every time she was placed in her arms; she possibly sensed how ill-prepared Eska was to be a mother. Desna had taken over a lot of the care while Eska was sick, with the result that now Kinalik seemed a lot more comfortable with him than she was with Eska. Usually, whenever Kinalik was held by Desna, her crying stopped almost immediately. And when she did cry, Desna never lost patience with her or got angry. Eska did, almost every day.  
In addition, Eska’s nipples were cracked and sore from the constant breastfeeding, and her frequent usage of a breast pump only exacerbated the matter. Her concentration at audiences and meetings slipped, and she was so fatigued and overwhelmed that she sometimes even forgot to bathe regularly.

And Mother was no help. Even if she had offered, Eska would eat her pillow before she would ever leave Kinalik alone with her.

Even so, she was reluctant to give her daughter’s care over to a nurse, since she felt that would be like giving up. Originally, they had offered the position to Akna the midwife, but she had turned it down. She had offered to help them in their search, but Eska had been slow to follow through on any leads.

Eska suffered in silence for a long time, not feeling like she deserved any help for being so ungrateful, but things finally came to a head when Kinalik was a month old.

The three of them had been in Desna’s room. Eska was pacing around with Kinalik draped over her shoulder, trying once again to get her to stop crying. She’d really wanted to try doing it herself this time, but after Desna had offered a tip for about the millionth time, Eska snapped.

For a second, she had a terrifying urge to dash Kinalik’s brains out against the floor. Instead, she shoved her into Desna’s arms.

“If you know so much, how about _you_ be her mother?” she shouted. “At least she doesn’t _hate_ you!”

Then, before Desna could answer, she fled to her own room, shaken at how close she’d come to doing something she’d sorely regret. She slammed the door, flung herself on her bed, and started sobbing.

She heard someone, presumably Desna, pounding on her door, but she ignored it. Finally, she was left alone, and cried until she ran out of tears.

For hours, she didn’t move, and eventually fell into a fitful doze. Some time later, she was woken up by more knocking.

“Go away, Desna,” she mumbled. But it wasn’t her brother’s voice who answered.

“Eska? It’s me. Akna the midwife.”

Spirits bless Desna. Somehow, he’d known exactly who she needed to talk to. So she let Akna come in.

Akna sat by the bed and asked, “Now what’s wrong? Your poor brother was frantic!”

“Kinalik despises me,” Eska muttered. “Just like her father.”

Akna didn’t try to correct her, which Eska appreciated. Instead, she simply said, “Why do you think that?”

So Eska did what she would have never dreamed of doing under any other circumstances, and told her everything…all the way back to their fateful trip to the South. She needed someone to listen to her who wasn’t her brother.

“My, you’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?” Akna said.

“If you tell anyone, I’m feeding you to the dolphin piranhas,” Eska warned.

But Akna was unflappable. All she said was, “Well, if I told anyone, I think I’d deserve that!”

“Good.”

Then Akna continued, “Now, I need to tell you something very important. Can you look at me?”

Eska didn’t do eye contact, so she settled at looking in Akna’s general direction. This seemed to be adequate.

“This is not your fault, all right?” Akna told her. “It’s a medical problem, and one that I’ve seen many times. You just need some help to get back on your feet. Now, if it’s all right with you, I wanted to try something.”

Eska blinked at her, but said, “You may proceed.”

Akna walked over to Desna’s room, and Eska heard her ask him a question. Shortly after, she returned with a soundly sleeping Kinalik in her arms.

“I’m not going to force you to hold her if you don’t want to,” Akna said. “But just try to really look at her for a bit. See how beautiful she is? With that smooth skin and that little button nose and the hair that sticks up on the top?”

Eska did as she said, and tentatively reached out a hand to stroke Kinalik’s cheek. She was struck all over again at how this baby was a seamless combination of her and Bolin. She might not have her old boyfriend, but at least she had this part of him.

“I…I think I want to attempt holding her now,” she said. Akna carefully transferred Kinalik over to her. She was worried that Kinalik would just start crying again, but, although she stirred and made a little snuffling sound, she stayed asleep.

Desna, who had followed Akna into the room, ventured, “I thought you might be interested to hear that she continued to cry for half an hour after you departed. Then, as soon as I had placated her, she fouled her diaper and started crying all over again.”

“I see,” Eska answered gravely, but she couldn’t help a bit of a smile.

“There you go!” Akna said brightly. “Things may be difficult right now, but I think they’ll turn out just fine in the end!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a more detailed account of Kinalik's birth, see my other fic "Wise-Woman".
> 
> There is a short epilogue after this, which I decided to make its own chapter.


	7. Epilogue

EPILOGUE

Of course, it wasn’t quite that simple. Eska didn’t magically get completely better from one positive experience…that would have been ridiculous. It took months before she fully felt like herself again, but she was finally on the right track. She swallowed her pride and hired a nurse, which helped somewhat. And Akna was there as well to talk her through her low points.

As for Mother…she didn’t exactly grow to love Kinalik, but she did learn to tolerate her. Eska even allowed them to spend some time together under supervision. A better person may have been able to forgive Mother. Eska couldn’t do that, but over time they reached a détente of sorts.

Eska and Desna maintained a somewhat tenuous grasp on power. Eventually, the scandal of Kinalik’s birth died down, and things returned to their normal state. The courtiers hadn’t found a way to oust them…yet.

Affairs were sufficiently stable to allow the twins to make a trip to Republic City for the coronation of that idiotic prince. And there, Eska and Bolin encountered each other for the first time in over three years.

He seemed to have moved on well. He had a new girlfriend (he denied this, but Eska knew he had a thing for powerful women). There was so much that Eska wanted to tell him. Kinalik was now nearly two and a half years old, and in all honesty had turned out to physically resemble Bolin much more than she did Eska. She definitely had her fits of temper now and then, but was a sweet child overall, and referred to both Eska and Desna as “Mama”. Although Kinalik had inherited Eska’s difficulties, she was very intelligent and worked hard at her speech therapy. Eska knew Bolin would have been proud of his daughter.

Or Eska could have arranged a tryst with him. They could have met in some deserted room when everyone else was asleep. Eska was sure they would have had no problems this time, and that both of them would have found it pleasurable. She would have been sure to use contraception, since she could not afford another pregnancy right now. And then maybe Bolin would have decided that he wanted to move back north with them so they could be a family.

Yes, she could have done many things. But she ended up doing none of them. Perhaps, at some point in the future, they would meet again and their fates would be more aligned. Until then, she had to let him live his life in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a bit evil for ending it like that, but at least this one didn't end with the main character dying. (As did my two other multi-chapter drama fics.)
> 
> And now for some fanart I drew:
> 
> Eska and Kinalik (some time after Eska's breakdown; maybe when Kinalik's about two months old? I'm not completely sure of baby sizes.) http://dancingkirby.deviantart.com/art/Eska-and-Kinalik-534266257
> 
> Kinalik as a child: http://dancingkirby.deviantart.com/art/Kinalik-548673270


End file.
